Being Lonely

When loneliness arrives, the first instinct is to fill the space with people.

That brings relief for a while. But it only masks what is underneath, because the people become a layer laid over a wound nobody has looked at yet.

I did exactly this in New England a few years back. I decided my loneliness was a logistics problem, that I simply did not have my kind of people around. So I went out. I socialized. I kept myself busy.

None of it touched the thing underneath. I was painfully lost, and a full calendar was covering it.
Everything I did to feel less alone kept me from finding out why I was.

Had I stayed with the loneliness and looked at it honestly, I could probably have saved myself a year of disconnection.

What I learned is that our inner pains are not meant to be avoided at all cost. They are meant to be exposed. Rather than covering them with an external solution, we can let them change us.

Behind any pain sits a gift of growth, and loneliness in particular hides an invitation to reconnect with ourselves.

Recently a friend asked how I managed not to feel lonely during my solo travels. I did feel lonely at times. The difference is that I no longer run from it.

And because I stopped running, it stopped running my life.

Loneliness is not the problem. Running from it is.

Chief Editor

Tal Gur is an impact-driven creator at heart. After trading his daily grind for a life of his own design, he spent a decade pursuing 100 life goals around the globe. Tal's journey and recent book, The Art of Fully Living, inspired him to found Elevate Society.