How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less: Summary Review

What if the secret to winning people over isn't about being the most charming or witty person in the room—but simply knowing how to connect in the first 90 seconds? In How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, Nicholas Boothman distills decades of communication insight into a practical, fast-paced guide for building instant rapport.

What is the Book About?

This book is a hands-on manual for mastering first impressions and building meaningful connections in under two minutes. Boothman, a former fashion photographer turned communication expert, introduces the concept of "rapport by design"—a deliberate approach to creating trust and likability through body language, tone, and attitude. Drawing on principles from Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), he breaks down the subtle cues that influence how others perceive us, offering actionable techniques to synchronize with anyone you meet.

The book is structured into three parts: making a strong first contact, understanding the power of nonverbal communication, and recognizing that people are drawn to those who reflect their own behaviors and values. Boothman provides practical tools like the "Open-Eye-Beam-Hi-Lean" method for initial greetings and emphasizes the importance of mirroring body language and speech patterns to establish immediate rapport. Through real-life examples and exercises, readers learn how to apply these strategies in various social and professional settings.

Book Details

Print length: 160 pages
Language: English
Publication date: September 15, 2000
Genre: Self-Help / Communication

Book Author

Core Theme

At its core, the book emphasizes the power of intentional communication in shaping our relationships. Boothman argues that by consciously aligning our verbal and nonverbal cues, we can create a sense of familiarity and trust with anyone we encounter. He introduces the idea that people are naturally inclined to like those who mirror their own behaviors and attitudes, making synchronization a key tool in building rapport.

The book also highlights the importance of adopting a "Really Useful Attitude"—one that is open, curious, and positive. Boothman suggests that our mindset significantly influences our interactions, and by choosing to approach others with genuine interest and enthusiasm, we can foster deeper connections. Through practical advice and exercises, he guides readers in developing the self-awareness and skills necessary to make lasting impressions.

Main Lessons

A few impactful summary lessons from How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less:

1. First impressions begin before words are spoken

Long before you utter your first sentence, the person in front of you is already making judgments—based on how you look, how you carry yourself, and even the micro-expressions on your face. According to Nicholas Boothman, we don’t get a second chance at a first impression, and those initial seconds set the tone for everything that follows. He breaks down this mysterious window of time and reveals that it’s more science than luck. From posture and attire to eye contact and smiling, small details compound into a decisive moment where trust, interest, and connection are either initiated—or missed altogether.

2. Body language can build bridges faster than words

While many people believe that communication is mostly about what they say, Boothman reveals the underrated superpower of body language. Gestures, facial expressions, and posture often convey more than your voice ever could. By mirroring someone’s nonverbal behavior—leaning in when they do, matching their gestures, or even sipping your drink a moment after they sip theirs—you subconsciously send the message, “I’m like you.” And since people tend to trust and feel safer around those who are similar to themselves, this silent mimicry lays down the foundation for rapid rapport.

3. The tone and rhythm of your voice shape trust

Boothman emphasizes that how you say something matters just as much, if not more, than what you’re saying. He explores how the tone, volume, pacing, and inflection of your voice can either open people up or shut them down. A warm tone paired with clear, well-paced speech gives others the space to listen, trust, and engage. People respond to fluency and energy—they instinctively tune in to voices that sound confident, sincere, and enthusiastic. When your vocal delivery aligns with your message and emotion, you create an auditory handshake that instantly communicates presence and credibility.

4. Mirroring words strengthens subconscious bonds

Beyond the body, mirroring also applies to speech—what Boothman calls “matching and mirroring” in conversation. This involves picking up on the other person’s choice of words, their speech patterns, and even their pacing, then subtly aligning your own to reflect it back. This doesn’t mean parroting, but rather creating a conversational rhythm that feels familiar and safe. The result? People feel heard and understood on a deeper level, and they’re more likely to trust and like you. It’s a linguistic dance that builds resonance without anyone realizing it’s happening.

5. Listening deeply makes people feel truly seen

According to Boothman, listening is not simply about hearing words—it’s about tuning into the emotion, energy, and intent behind those words. Active listening requires eye contact, nodding, and timely questions that invite expansion rather than closure. This kind of listening tells the speaker, “You matter, and I’m genuinely interested.” It’s a rare quality, and because of that, it’s magnetic. People gravitate toward those who make them feel valued, and being a great listener is one of the quickest ways to become unforgettable in someone’s eyes.

6. Positivity is contagious and shapes interactions

Boothman teaches that emotions are infectious. The energy you bring into a room—whether it’s joy, frustration, or indifference—sets the emotional climate for your interaction. By consciously adopting a positive mindset, showing gratitude, and keeping your mood solution-oriented, you invite others to rise to your level. A smile can uplift a room, and optimism makes people more open, receptive, and eager to connect. Like sunlight to a flower, positivity draws people toward you because it signals safety, strength, and emotional intelligence.

7. Clear goals shape effective communication

Boothman stresses that every meaningful conversation starts with a purpose. Whether you're connecting with a friend, negotiating in business, or engaging a stranger, you need to know your intention—what you want, need, or aim to achieve. Clear goals keep you grounded and focused, allowing you to adjust your message and energy accordingly. Without a destination, your words wander; with one, they cut through noise and resonate. It's about clarity, alignment, and using communication as a tool to reach tangible, mutually beneficial outcomes.

8. Feedback helps close the gap between intent and impact

Understanding what you're delivering—versus what you intend to deliver—is a crucial piece of the rapport puzzle. Boothman explains that this comes from actively seeking feedback, both verbal and nonverbal, and adjusting accordingly. If you're aiming for warmth but your tone comes off as sarcastic, or if your words mean one thing but your body says another, people will believe the more congruent signal—usually the nonverbal one. Learning to read others' responses helps you refine your approach and ensures that your message lands the way you intended.

9. Rapport is a skill that can be intentionally designed

One of Boothman’s most empowering insights is that rapport is not a magical force reserved for the charismatic few—it’s a learned, repeatable process. Through deliberate use of body language, tone, speech, and mindset, anyone can develop the ability to instantly connect with others. He calls it “rapport by design,” a reminder that connection is an artform grounded in predictable human psychology. With awareness and practice, you don’t have to wait for the stars to align—you can create chemistry on demand.

10. People are drawn to others who reflect themselves

At our core, we are wired to seek out familiarity. Boothman explains that people like those who look, sound, and behave like they do—it’s a survival instinct turned social advantage. By aligning yourself with others’ preferences, whether visually, verbally, or emotionally, you reduce their sense of risk and increase their comfort. You become an ally in their minds, someone safe and relatable. This principle is why subtle mimicry and shared language are so powerful—they speak to the subconscious and whisper, “You’re not alone.”

Key Takeaways

Key summary takeaways from the book:

• First impressions are formed within 90 seconds, making initial interactions crucial.
• Mirroring body language and speech patterns can create a sense of connection and trust.
• Adopting a positive and open attitude enhances likability and approachability.
• Understanding and adapting to others' sensory preferences (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) improves communication.
• Active listening and asking open-ended questions foster deeper, more meaningful conversations.

Book Strengths

The book excels in translating complex psychological concepts into accessible, actionable strategies. Boothman's engaging writing style, combined with real-world examples and practical exercises, empowers readers to immediately apply the techniques in their daily lives. Its focus on the nuances of nonverbal communication and the psychology of first impressions makes it a valuable resource for anyone looking to enhance their interpersonal skills.

Who This Book Is For

This book is ideal for professionals in sales, marketing, customer service, or any field that relies on building strong relationships. It's also beneficial for individuals seeking to improve their social confidence, whether in networking events, interviews, or personal interactions. Anyone interested in understanding the dynamics of human connection and enhancing their communication abilities will find this book insightful.

Why Should You Read This Book?

Reading this book offers practical tools to transform your approach to communication. By mastering the art of making others feel seen, heard, and valued within moments, you can open doors to new opportunities and enrich your personal and professional relationships. Boothman's insights provide a roadmap to becoming more persuasive, empathetic, and effective in your interactions.

Concluding Thoughts.

In a world where connections can make or break opportunities, How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less serves as a powerful guide to mastering the art of first impressions. Boothman's blend of psychological insight and practical advice equips readers with the tools to navigate social interactions with confidence and authenticity.

Whether you're looking to advance your career, expand your social circle, or simply become more adept at connecting with others, this book offers valuable lessons that can be applied immediately. By embracing its principles, you can transform the way you interact with the world around you.

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* The publisher and editor of this summary review made every effort to maintain information accuracy, including any published quotes, lessons, takeaways, or summary notes.

Chief Editor

Tal Gur is an author, founder, and impact-driven entrepreneur at heart. After trading his daily grind for a life of his own daring design, he spent a decade pursuing 100 major life goals around the globe. His journey and most recent book, The Art of Fully Living, has led him to found Elevate Society.