The Way of the Superior Man: Summary Review & Takeaways

This is a summary review of The Way of the Superior Man containing key details about the book.

What is The Way of the Superior Man About?

The Way of the Superior Man shares lessons on how a man can grow spiritually while passionately tussling with the challenges of women, work, and sexual desire. The book explores some of the most important issues in men’s lives―from career and family to women and intimacy to love and spirituality. It offers a practical guidebook for living a life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom.

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Who is the Author of The Way of the Superior Man?

David Deida is a bestselling author and a founding member of Integral Institute. He has taught and conducted research at the University of California-San Diego School of Medicine, University of California-Santa Cruz, San Jose State University, Lexington Institute in Boston, and Ecole Polytechnique in Paris, France. Some of his recent books include Blue Truth, The Enlightened Sex Manual, and the 20th Anniversary Edition of the international bestseller, The Way of the Superior Man.

What are some key takeaways from The Way of the Superior Man?

Takeaway #1 Know Your Purpose In Life

What do you want to be remembered for? You probably have no idea but this is why you must take some quiet time to sit and think it through, repeating this stop as often as needed until you come up with the answer. If you continue to rush through life, going with the flow, you will not find your life's purpose. So peel back the layers on your deepest self until you know what your purpose is, then chase after it with every ounce of your being. Don't run from the fact that you may need to change every aspect of your life to achieve your purpose – Chasing your goal is worth everything, including sacrificing the wrong relationships. A woman is more likely to be attracted to you when you know where you're going and what you want but she'll test you time and time again to see if you're true to your word and your purpose which is actually a good thing!

Takeaway #2 Understand The Energy & Balance It

Despite equal rights, there's no denying that men and women are different. Male and female energy is not the same but everyone has a mix of both energies inside of them. When seeking a partner you should look to get a balance of those energies so that a harmonious relationship can flourish. If two people have neutral energies, the relationship can work but is often passionless. When a man lacks masculine energy you see a relationship with the woman wearing the trousers so to speak. It's important for men to show their masculine sides in a relationship through leading the relationship (I.e. choosing the restaurant on date night), challenging himself, facing his fears, and living with integrity. If a man can do all of this, a woman can allow her feminine side to come out.

Takeaway #3 Don't Shy Away From Drama – Enjoy It

If your relationship has drama in it, don't worry and think you're with the wrong person, embrace the ups and down and learn how to handle those heated discussions because they're never going to end no matter which partner you chose. Losing your cool and throwing accusations around doesn't work, nor does trying to fix your partner to stop her from reacting the same way about X, Y or Z. Instead you need to tame female drama with love and humour – Though by humour David Deida doesn't mean laughing at her and making fun of her. Every time she shouts, slams things around, or gives you the silent treatment you must show your love, give her a hug. Try to understand what the real problem is when she is complaining about something seemingly unimportant such as that open toothpaste tube – What does she mean deep down? Most drama erupts due to her not feeling heard, loved, and appreciated.

Book details

  • Print length: 202 Pages
  • Audiobook: 5 hrs and 22 mins
  • Genre: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology

What are the chapters in The Way of the Superior Man?

Chapter One - Stop Hoping for a Completion of Anything in Life
Chapter Two - Live with an Open Heart even if it Hurts
Chapter Three - Live as if Your Father Were Dead
Chapter Four - Know Your Real Edge and Don't Fake It
Chapter Five - Always Hold To Your Deepest Realization
Chapter Six - Never Change Your Mind Just to Please a Woman
Chapter Seven - Your Purpose Must Come Before Your Relationship
Chapter Eight - Lean Just Beyond Your Edge
Chapter Nine - Do It For Love
Chapter Ten - Enjoy Your Friends' Criticism
Chapter Eleven - If You Don't Know Your Purpose, Discover It Now
Chapter Twelve - Be Willing to Change Everything in Your Life
Chapter Thirteen - Don't Use Your Family as an Excuse
Chapter Fourteen - Don't Get Lost in Tasks and Duties
Chapter Fifteen - Stop Hoping for Your Woman to Get Easier
Chapter Sixteen - Woman are not Liars
Chapter Seventeen - Praise Her
Chapter Eighteen - Tolerating Her Leads to Resenting Her
Chapter Nineteen - Don't Analyze Your Woman
Chapter Twenty - Don't Suggest That a Woman FIx Her Own Emotional Problem
Chapter Twenty-One - Stay with Her Intesity - To a Point
Chapter Twenty-Two - Don't Force the Feminine to Make Decisions
Chapter Twenty-Three - Your Attraction to the Feminine is Inevitable
Chapter Twenty-Four - Choose a Woman Woh is Your Complimentary Opposite
Chapter Twenty-Five - Know What is Important in Your Woman
Chapter Twenty-Six - You will Often Want More than One Woman
Chapter Twenty-Seven - Young Women Offer a Special Energy
Chapter Twenty-Eight - Each Woman Has a "Temperature" that can Heal or Irritate You
Chapter Twenty-Nine - Choose a Woman Who Chooses You
Chapter Thirty - What She Wants Is Not What She Says
Chapter Thirty-One - Her Complaint IS Content-Free
Chapter Thirty-Two - She Doesn't Really Want to Be Number One
Chapter Thirty-Three - Your Excellent Track Record is Meaningless to Her
Chapter Thirty-Four - She Wants to Relax in the Demonstration of Your Direction
Chapter Thirty-Five - You Are Always Searching for Freedom
Chapter Thirty-Six - Own Your Darkest Desires
Chapter Thirty-Seven - She Wants the "Killer" in You
Chapter Thirty-Eight - She Needs Your Consciousness to Match Her Energy
Chapter Thirty-Nine – The Feminine is Abundant
Chapter Forty - Allow Older Women Their Magic
Chapter Forty-One - Turn Your Lust Into Gifts
Chapter Forty-Two - Never Allow YOur Desire to Become Suppressed or Depolarized
Chapter Forty-Three - Use Her Attractiveness as a Slingshot through Appearance
Chapter Forty-Four - Ejaculation Should Be Converted or Consciously Chosen
Chapter Forty-Five - Breathe Down the Front
Chapter Forty-Six - Ejaculate Up the Spine
Chapter Forty-Seven - Take into Account the Primary Asymmetry
Chapter Forty-Eight - You are Responsible for the Growth in Intimacy
Chapter Forty-Nine - Insist on Practice and Growth
Chapter Fifty - Restore Your Purpose in Solitude and with Other Men
Chapter Fifty-One - Practice Dissolving

What are the main summary points of The Way of the Superior Man?

Here are some key summary points from the book:

  • Ongoing sexual passion requires “polarity”, a masculine pole, and a feminine pole, it doesn’t matter who takes on those roles, but the dynamic and the exchange of energy is necessary for true passion. You want to recognize and accept which pole you gravitate towards.
  • The masculine error is to think that eventually things will be different in some fundamental way. They won’t. It never ends. As long as life continues, the creative challenge is to tussle, play, and make love with the present moment while giving your unique gift.
  • The masculine grows by challenge, but the feminine grows by praise. A man must be unabashed and expressed in his appreciation for his woman. Praise her freely…Praise motivates. Challenge doesn’t.
  • The mission which leads to freedom is the priority of the masculine, whereas the search for love is the main priority of the feminine.
  • Don’t wait any longer. Don’t believe in the myth of “one day when everything will be different.” Do what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you’ve been born to do, now. Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women. Feel what you want to give most as a gift and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose.
  • To act as a superior man, you want to feel the entire situation with your whole body. A closed body is unable to sense subtle cues and signals, and therefore unable to act with mastery
  • Read books that remind you of who you are. Spend time with people who inspire you and reflect the source to you. Meditate, contemplate, or pray daily so that you steep yourself in the source.
  • The feminine always seems chaotic and complicated from the perspective of the masculine. Learn to find humor in the unending emotional drama the feminine seems to enjoy so much. The love that you magnify may realign her behavior, but your effort to fix her and your frustration never will.
  • Trust the process of acting from your deepest wisdom. Be willing to be wrong, and grow from it.
  • Lean just slightly beyond the edge of fear and discomfort. Constantly. In everything you do.
  • Be capable of not knowing what to do with your life, entering a period of unknowingness and waiting for a vision or a new form of purpose to emerge. It is a normal cycle.
  • Live with a hurting heart rather than a closed one. Learn to stay in the wound of pain and act with spontaneous skill and love even from that place.
  • Admit to yourself that if you had to choose one or the other, the perfect intimate relationship or achieving your highest purpose in life, you would choose to succeed at your purpose. Just this self-knowledge often relieves much pressure a man feels to prioritize his relationship when, in fact, it is not his highest priority. Tell your woman that you love her, but you cannot deny your heart’s purpose. Tell her that you will spend some specific time with her in absolute attention and total presence, but then you must return to carry on your mission.
  • Fear needs to become your friend, so that you are no longer uncomfortable with it. Your fear is the sharpest definition of your self. You should know it. You should feel it virtually constantly.
  • Good friends should not tolerate mediocrity in one another. If you are at your edge, your men friends should respect that, but not let you off the hook. They should honor your fears, and, in love, continue to goad you beyond them, without pushing you. Choose men friends who themselves are living at their edge, facing their fears and living just beyond them. Men of this kind can love you without protecting you from the necessary confrontation with reality that your life involves.
  • Don't seek fulfillment through work and woman, because you are already full. Work and intimacy are simply opportunities to give your gifts and be vanished in the bliss of the giving.
  • Each purpose, each mission, is meant to be fully lived to the point where it becomes empty, boring, and useless. Then it should be discarded. Many men waste their birth seeking the completion of tasks. Nose to the grindstone, day after day, year after year, and you become a robot of duty.
  • It is your gift to give. A superior man sees his woman’s moods not as a curse, but as a challenge and an amusement. The majority of a woman’s emotional problems stem from feeling unloved. So don’t stand back and analyze her, like a doctor diagnosing a patient. Give her your love immediately and unmistakably.

Chapter 1 Summary

Stop Hoping for a Completion of Anything in Life

Don't delay in pursuing your passions and fulfilling your purpose; each moment waited is a moment wasted, eroding your clarity of purpose. Obstacles such as limited finances or other commitments should not deter you from your path. Life will always throw challenges your way, but living fully means engaging creatively with the present and offering your unique gifts to the world.

Stop trying to change your intimate partner. Embrace their nature as it is, forever unchanging. If their behavior becomes intolerable, it's best to leave rather than try to fix them. From a masculine perspective, the feminine may seem chaotic and complicated, but this is an inherent part of the dynamic between the two. Learn to find humor in the emotional drama of the feminine, as it is an unescapable part of the tussle.

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Chapter 2 Summary

Live With an Open Heart Even If It Hurts

When you encounter pain caused by a person or situation, and your instinct is to close yourself off, it signifies an ineffective way of dealing with hurt. Men should strive to keep their hearts open, even in pain, and respond with love.

Retreating, concealing, or shutting down when faced with pain contradicts a man's authentic essence, hindering his freedom. In these moments of automatic withdrawal, it's essential to practice opening oneself up. This openness allows the full manifestation of our intelligence, enabling us to better navigate the situation.

A closed-off individual cannot perceive the subtle signals that can guide them to a masterful response. Therefore, practice being open: experience the situation with your whole being, keep your chest relaxed and body posture upright. Breathe deeply into your abdomen. Make eye contact with the other person and allow yourself to feel your pain and understand theirs

Chapter 3 Synopsis

Live As If Your Father Was Dead

Cherish and respect your parents, but don't let their expectations or criticisms tether you. Trying to constantly meet others' expectations can be a self-imposed prison, often linked to your own self-doubt and criticism. Ask yourself: are there things you're not pursuing or feelings you're suppressing due to your parents' influence? Embrace these things, start practicing autonomy from your parents' opinions, even if you're grappling with fear, feelings of unworthiness, or the weight of their expectations. Consider the alternative - envision a life where you were not constantly striving to earn your parents' approval or prove your worth.

Chapter 4 Synopsis

Own Your Fears, Know Your Real Edge, and Don't Fake it

Acknowledge and confront your fears, as deluding yourself into believing you're unafraid can lead to dishonesty with yourself and others. Your 'edge' is the point at which you limit your full potential due to fear. Recognize and honor this edge, and be open about it with yourself and others.

When you hold back from reaching your full potential, others can sense your fear and their trust in you may wane. Ask yourself how your fears limit your ability to contribute more to society, earn a higher income, or find more creative and fulfilling ways to make money.

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A free man is one who is open about his fears, not one who hides them. Vocalize your fears about your career to yourself as a means to better understand and confront them. A man aware of his fears and willing to confront them is more trustworthy and inspiring than one who remains within his comfort zone. Embrace your fears, neither avoiding nor aggressively confronting them.

Chapter 5 Summary

Know eternity. Submerge into the source regularly

Embrace every detail of your life with profound depth, grounded in an understanding that transcends life's mundanity. Let books that resonate with your truth, inspiring people, and daily meditation or prayer remind you of your true self, even in trivial moments.

Whenever you get lost in responsibilities, reconnect with your inner source, which is a constant, unwavering presence behind the symphony of life. Whatever you do, do it from this source.

Remember, all external aspects - your job, relationships, wealth, creations, pleasures - are hollow unless they stem from your profound self. Despite any life event, your core self remains unaffected and each moment holds equal potential for clarity and completeness.

Chapter 6 Summary

Never Go Against Your Deepest Truth Just to Please Someone

A man should heed the opinions of others, but never compromise his own profound understanding and intuition merely to satisfy a loved one. Succumbing to such an act weakens both parties, leading to mutual resentment and hampering their capacity for genuine, free action.

If one chooses to follow someone else's advice, even when their inner wisdom suggests otherwise, it signifies a lack of self-trust, thereby undermining self-confidence and the other person's trust in them. When one disregards their deep truth to appease another, the authenticity gap is sensed, fostering love perhaps, but not trust.

Crucially, this sense of inauthenticity restricts one's ability to act with clarity, causing a disconnection between actions and one's core self. In contrast, actions aligned with one's core values empower and underline the responsibility of decision-making. Mistakes can be made, but the willingness to learn and grow from them deepens wisdom and trust in the process of acting from this profound inner knowledge.

Chapter 7 Overview

Your Purpose Must Come Before Your Relationship

Your life's purpose should take precedence over everything else. Without recognizing and aligning your life to this purpose, you will feel unfulfilled, impacting your overall presence and intimate relationships.

A man's highest purpose cannot be a specific relationship. Prioritizing relationships over purpose weakens him, underserves the world, and robs his partner of an authentic relationship. You should admit to yourself that if a choice must be made between an ideal relationship and fulfilling your highest purpose, you would opt for the latter. Recognizing this can alleviate the pressure to prioritize relationships over purpose.

Refrain from sidelining your mission for your intimate partner. Communicate your love but also your need to fulfill your heart's purpose. Promise dedicated, quality time but maintain your commitment to your mission. A shorter span of complete, undivided attention is more fulfilling for your partner than longer periods of weak, distracted presence. Your time with your partner should be when you genuinely want to be with her over any other engagement, as any unwillingness will be felt by both, leading to mutual dissatisfaction.

Chapter 8 Overview

Own your fear, and lean just beyond it. In every aspect of your life. Starting now.

Optimal personal growth occurs when a man slightly pushes beyond his comfort zone, not staying stagnant or excessively straining himself. This 'edge' should be where he operates from in all aspects of life, offering the clearest perception of reality without distortion from withdrawal or overextension.

Fear, constant and familiar, is indicative of this edge and should be perceived as a friend rather than a foe. By staying with this fear, remaining on your edge, you invite true transformation. Fear of fear itself can lead to a lesser or false life, missing the authenticity of the present moment. However, embracing the present, inclusive of fear, cultivates a state of vibrant spontaneity. Pushing gently past fear, without escaping it, allows you to compassionately challenge your boundaries. Stepping beyond safety with an open heart, standing ready for the unknown in a state of raw alertness places you on the edge of deep being, where fear becomes obsolete and leads to your eternal home.

Chapter 9 Summary

Give your love and your gifts fully. No holding back.

Very few men are wholly committed to liberating their partners and the world into deep truth, love, and openness, most only partially giving their gifts and experiencing an incomplete, somewhat false life, including their intimate relations. For a man to fully realize a partner and the world, he must give his gifts without reserve. His actions should not be for personal gain but to magnify love, uncover deep truth, enjoy complete freedom, and provide his fullest gifts.

Men should continue to provide their gifts and love despite life's challenges, with no gift left ungiven and no limit to depth of being. His legacy should be openness, freedom, and love. If a man's actions are driven by self-gratification, both his partner and the world will sense his lack of commitment and truth, causing them to drain his energy and complicate his life.

While a man can choose a solitary life, if he opts for a life of intimacy and worldly engagement, he will feel trapped unless he freely engages, wholly giving himself, dissolving all barriers in love. This is the path of the superior man.

Chapter 10 Summary

Embrace Your Friends' Criticism

A man's ability to handle criticism from another man reflects his capacity to absorb masculine energy, without which his direction in life could become uncontrolled, leading to indecision and ambiguity. Men should regularly engage with their closest male friends to discuss their life pursuits and fears, as these friendships can provide a balance of challenge and guidance.

True friends should push each other towards improvement by proposing concrete actions to overcome mediocrity, fostering mutual growth through brutal honesty. They should not accept mediocrity and should encourage each other to push beyond fears, providing support but not shielding from necessary confrontations with reality.

It's essential to choose friends who themselves are confronting their fears and living just beyond their comfort zone. Such friends can support you in facing your own reality and assist you in living freely and fearlessly, even though it might often be uncomfortable.

Chapter 11 Overview

Everything In Your Life Must Be Aligned With Your Purpose

Your life's core is your purpose. When this purpose is known, every moment becomes a profound expression of your innermost desire. Your work and intimate relations cease to be mundane tasks and become outlets for the genuine manifestation of your life's truth, your love, and your gifts.

However, without understanding your purpose, your life lacks profound depth and meaning. Each moment simply passes, leading nowhere, your work becomes a mere means to an end, and you drift aimlessly, failing to meet your potential and leading a diminished existence.

By identifying your deepest desire, success can be achieved through disciplined alignment of your life - from diet to career to relationships - with your purpose, thereby enabling you to act with integrity.

The superior man, already fulfilled, perceives work and intimacy not as means to satisfaction, but as opportunities to give his gifts and to experience the bliss that comes from this act of giving.

Chapter 12 Overview

Be Willing To Shed Layers and Change Everything in Your Life

A man must be willing to dedicate himself entirely to his current purpose, or be open to periods of uncertainty, waiting for a new purpose or vision to emerge. The cyclical pattern of focused action and periods of unknowingness is typical for a man shedding his layers, bringing him closer to his deepest purpose. Each mission, once fulfilled and devoid of interest, should be discarded - not as a failure, but as a sign of growth.

The completion of a minor purpose may not provide long-term satisfaction, as it's often a stepping stone towards a greater embodiment of your deeper purpose. Early life goals are frequently inherited from parental and childhood influences and serve to resolve past karma or fulfill distracting fascinations.

As you abandon an old lifestyle, a deeper purpose slowly reveals itself. This cannot be rushed, but it's crucial to remain receptive to the next step by avoiding distractions. This might involve a retreat or periods of solitude. When a new purpose arises, it's usually an initial sense of direction without detailed steps. It's essential to act on this impulse and learn the specifics through trial and error, even if it involves a few false starts.

Eventually, you'll find yourself doing what you truly love, positively impacting others, and living a fulfilling life. But one day, even this layer will dissolve, and the cycle begins anew, each time bringing you closer to your deepest purpose. This cycle continues until you're operating fully in alignment with your ultimate mission.

Chapter 13 Synopsis

Don't use your family as an excuse to avoid your highest vision.

While it's crucial to maintain your household, long-term neglect of your true purpose doesn't truly serve anyone, including your family. This self-compromise can transmit a sense of weakness to your partner and children. Your partner may feel compelled to take on more control than desired, and your children might test your ability to discipline them as they sense your lack of self-discipline.

When you deviate from your deepest purpose, your home becomes an arena where your resolve is tested, weakening you over time. Children can sense this ambiguity, responding differently to clear, present parenting than they do to uncertain guidance.

Quality of interaction, not quantity, most influences a child's development. Limited time with a fully present, loving, internally harmonized, and purpose-driven father can benefit children more than extended time with a father who's unsure of his intentions and detached from his core purpose.

For some men, their deepest purpose is their family. However, many men feel a deeper calling, regardless of their love for their family. If they understand and live this calling fully, they maintain a strong, vital core. If they ignore this calling, their core weakens, regardless of their love and desire to serve their family.

The priority for the feminine (in both men and women) is nurturing the flow of love in relationships, while the masculine (in both genders) prioritizes a mission leading to true freedom. Ultimately, true freedom and love are identical, but the paths the masculine and feminine take towards this unity are distinct.

Chapter 14 Synopsis

Never Get Lost in “Doing Mode” and the Small Details of Your Life

While "Doing Mode" is necessary for discipline and accomplishing tasks, losing sight of your greater purpose in the minutiae of everyday life reduces you to a mechanical entity devoid of love, freedom, or consciousness. No amount of tasks can make you feel complete as the true essence of life lies in the profound truth of the present moment.

Though daily actions like eating, working, and caring for family are necessary for survival, they don't lead to the absolute truth of your existence. The real measure of your completeness is your ability to surrender freely and lovingly to the prospect of death, confident that you've done everything possible to express your true self and understand the essence of existence.

Reflect on your life and consider if you've loved fully. Contemplate whether unexpressed emotions would leave you with regrets. Question if you're so absorbed in work and tasks that you've lost sight of the miracle of existence. Each moment emerges from and dissolves into a vast, unknowable mystery; are you attuned to this?

When tasks are executed rightly, they free up your energy to focus on what truly matters—the exploration, realization, and embodiment of true freedom. If your tasks aren't supporting you in this way, they must be modified or abandoned, or else you risk wasting your life.

Introduce refreshers into your schedule to remind you of the insignificance of daily tasks. Contemplate your own death, reflect on the image of an enlightened being, ponder the mystery of existence, or immerse yourself in profound love. Regular meditation and retreat can help you remember the infinite before you return to your tasks, ensuring you never lose perspective and reduce life to a series of tasks. You're not a drone; you are the boundless mystery of love.

Chapter 15 Summation

Every moment of your life is either a celebration or a test

Your partner's challenges and tests are not meant to hurt you, but to probe your strength, integrity, and openness. Such tests may take different forms, like complaints or doubt, and they increase as you grow. They stem from her desire to feel your deepest truth and love. The testing is a quest to feel your unwavering happiness and success, not dependent on her responses or external validation.

These tests reflect her need to see you as the divine masculine - loving, fully present, and unmovable. Being unaffected by her challenges, you demonstrate your commitment to truth and freedom. This doesn't end with finding a different partner or achieving financial or sexual mastery. Rather, these tests, sometimes unconscious, are a proof of her love and her desire to feel your strength even in times of your superficial success.

The most loving women will test you the most, pushing you to be your fullest self. They recognize your potential for greatness and won't settle for anything less. A superior man remains open-hearted and strong even in face of criticism. He doesn't need validation to be loving; his fullness is independent of external affirmation.

While the testing might be challenging, if you are aligned with your mission and inherently happy, you'll appreciate these tests. You don't require your woman's validation to fulfill your mission. A good woman wants you to be guided by your deepest truths and self-generated strength, not untended childhood wounds or materialistic achievements.

Chapter 16 Summation

Make decisions from your own deep core and be fully responsible for them

For a person with a masculine essence, truth lies in their words and actions. In contrast, for someone with a feminine essence, truth is found in their present feelings and emotions. Thus, while keeping one's word is viewed as a masculine trait, the feminine essence may not always keep its word, not due to dishonesty, but due to the prioritization of emotions and the changing dynamics of relationships over words and facts.

People with a feminine essence express what they feel at a given moment. Their words should be perceived more like poetry rather than a concrete agenda. It's crucial to remember that their words are expressions of the present moment's nuances.
When interacting with someone with a feminine essence, avoid focusing on the literal content of their words unless love is flowing deeply and fully in that moment. Even then, understand that they are likely discussing their current feelings. It's unwise to make plans based on what they say they want to do unless these words are spoken in a state of profound love. However, even then, be prepared for them to change their mind as their feelings fluctuate.

A man must be responsible for his decisions, basing them on the deepest truth he can comprehend. If he adjusts his course of truth to accommodate his partner's shifting expressions, he risks blaming her later. Instead, he should listen to and consider his partner's input carefully, but ultimately make decisions from his deepest core. This approach prevents resentment for having compromised his path and allows him to appreciate his partner's sensitivity and changing emotional states, confident that he's making the best choices available to him.

Chapter 17 Synopsis

Constantly Praise Your Partner

The masculine and feminine grow differently - while the masculine thrives on challenges, the feminine blossoms with praise. For a man, it's crucial to be expressive in appreciating his partner. Although a habit of challenging people might help their growth from a masculine perspective, it doesn't necessarily encourage the growth of the feminine side, which thrives on support and appreciation.

Praising your partner amplifies the qualities that you admire. This praise is metaphorical nourishment for feminine attributes. If you wish to see growth in your partner's radiance, health, happiness, love, beauty, power, and depth, you should regularly compliment these aspects.

To stimulate growth in certain qualities, you should praise even the smallest manifestation of these traits, regardless of whether they seem significant yet. For instance, if you believe your partner would benefit from more physical activity, rather than directly suggesting it, which might be taken as criticism, compliment how attractive her movement is to you.
Praise, rather than mere information, is an effective motivator, surpassing the impact of challenges. Experiment with this concept by giving your partner praise multiple times a day and observe the transformation that occurs.

Chapter 18 Synopsis

Don’t tolerate your partner’s moods. Instead, bloom her into the fullness

For many men, their partner's moods can seem burdensome, leading to built-up resentment. However, a superior man perceives his partner's moods as challenges, not burdens. A woman's negative moods may partially reflect a deficiency in feeling loved.
When a man tolerates his partner's self-destructive moods, it can indicate his weakness. Instead of escaping from women and the world, he should seek to serve women and the world with love. An invaluable gift a man can give his partner is the ability to open her heart when it's closed. Instead of tolerating her negative moods, he should use skillful love to navigate them.

There are many creative ways to engage with a woman's moods and help her open up. Using humor, physical expressions of love, and engaging activities can often be more effective than just talking. The key is not to tolerate or merely discuss her moods, but to participate in them, aiming to blossom her into her fullness.
Intimacy is about mutual growth and love, providing opportunities for growth that wouldn't be achievable alone. It's about the art of mutual giving. However, if, despite all efforts, a woman remains closed off, the man should consider if he lacks the skill to serve her, or if she's unwilling to receive his gifts. This might indicate that they are not right for each other.

Remember, any woman with a feminine sexual essence will cycle through phases of openness and closure, just like natural cycles. These phases, which can be either moments of loving surrender or emotional tests of the man's ability to open her up, will never end. The essence of the feminine is this never-ending cycle of opening and closing.

Chapter 19 Overview

Don't Analyze Your Partner’s Moods. Give Love Instead.

The feminine's moods and opinions can be likened to changing weather patterns. These shifts are often rooted in the ebb and flow of love, and cannot be effectively analyzed or solved with a cause-and-effect approach.

Men, particularly those with a masculine essence, often seek to find the root cause of problems to solve them permanently. This approach can extend to their partner's emotional states, leading to a misguided quest to identify what triggered her negative mood. However, this analytical approach tends to worsen her mood instead of alleviating it.

Rather than attempting to diagnose or interrogate, men should express their love, as lack of love is often at the heart of a woman's emotional difficulties. Expressing love can immediately shift her mood from distress to joy, irrespective of the apparent cause of the mood. This act of love might include holding her, looking deeply into her eyes, verbalizing love, and dancing with her. The emotional aspect of her problem can thus be transformed into love, while any situational aspect can be dealt with separately.

Next time a man notices his partner in a bad mood, he should consider the possibility that she is feeling unloved. He should offer his love in a profound, constant, and sensitive manner, using affectionate touch, loving words, or songs. After the mood has been dissolved through this expression of love, any remaining issues can be discussed in a relaxed and happy environment.

Chapter 20 Overview

For a man with a masculine essence, self-analysis and adjustment can lead to growth and understanding. However, for women with a feminine essence, the priority is not purpose and direction, but love. Feminine energy is akin to the ocean, flowing powerfully without a single direction. The masculine builds structures to harness this power and achieve specific goals, but the feminine, like the ocean, moves in multiple directions at once. Attempts to force women into a more linear mode of being can suppress their feminine energy.

A woman's happiness comes not from analysis but from a relaxed state of body and heart, allowing her to be free, unpredictable, and full of life. Requesting her to analyze her emotions constrains the limitless and lively nature of her being. Many women desire to be able to relax and surrender in a relationship, confident that their man is taking care of things, allowing them to exist as pure energy, motion, and love.

An ideal gift for many women is a surprise experience planned entirely by their partner, enabling them to surrender control and simply enjoy. Serving your woman best means helping her to surrender to the force of love, encouraging her to be as free, deep, wild, and powerful as the ocean. By being full in your love and strong in your presence, you can allow her to release the limits she places on her feelings and express her love with no restraint.

Love possesses its own intelligence that often doesn't require analysis to unlock a woman's openness. Love her with your whole body, press her against a wall with your belly and chest, breathe with her to relax her tension, and let her surrender liberate the wisdom inherent in her loving. There is much to gain from the depths of her feminine gifts.

What are good quotes from The Way of the Superior Man?

“Every moment waited is a moment wasted....” (Meaning)

“The most loving women are the women who will test you the most. She wants you to be your fullest, most magnificent self. She won’t settle for anything less. She knows it is true of you. She knows in your deepest heart you are free, you are Shiva. Anything less than that she will torment. And, as you know, she’s quite good at it.”

“Your woman knows your weaknesses better than anybody. She knows where you will falter and give up. She knows the degree of mediocrity you will settle for. And, she knows your true capacity as a full man, a man of free consciousness and love. Her gift, if she is a good woman, is to test you with her darkest moods, over and over and over, until your consciousness is unperturbed by feminine challenge, and you are able to pervade her with your love, just as you are here to pervade the world. In response to your fearless consciousness, she will drench your world in love and light.”

“The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman: not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth.”

“You are only punishing yourself when you want to be in a relationship with a woman more than she wants to be a in a relationship with you.”

“Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman, and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose.”

“A fearful man who knows he is fearful is far more trustable than a fearful man who isn’t aware of his fear.”

“One of the deepest feminine desires in intimacy is precisely not to have to always figure it out for her man and guide him.”

“Your fear is the sharpest definition of your self. You should know it. You should feel it virtually constantly. Fear needs to become your friend so that you are no longer uncomfortable with it.”

“The feminine always seems chaotic and complicated from the perspective of the masculine. The next time you notice yourself trying to fix your woman so that she will no longer _____ (fill in the blank), relax and give her love by touching her and telling her that you love her when she is this way (whatever you filled in the blank with). Embrace her, or wrestle with her, or scream and yell for the heck of it, but make no effort to bring an end to that which pisses you off. Practice love instead of trying to bring an end to the quality that bothers you. You can’t escape the tussle with the feminine. Learn to find humor in the unending emotional drama the feminine seems to enjoy so much. The love that you magnify may realign her behavior, but your effort to fix her and your frustration never will. The world and your woman will always present you with unforeseen challenges. You are either living fully, giving your gift in the midst of those challenges, even today, or you are waiting for an imaginary future which will never come.”

“Just remember that self-discipline is not self-suppression. Suppression is when you resist and fight against your desires, keeping them as buried and unexpressed as possible. Self-discipline is when your highest desires rule your lesser desires, not through resistance, but through loving action grounded in understanding and compassion.”

“Whenever you are feeling isolated and weary, feel the present moment as if it were a woman. Feel like you are embracing a woman, physically. Feel the front of your body as if it were pressed against the front of a woman’s naked body, being filled with the delight of her feminine softness and liveliness. Feel her breasts and belly against you. Breathe deeply as if you were inhaling her intoxicating fragrance. And, while inhaling, receive deeply into your body not just her scent, but the very essence of feminine deliciousness, as if it were nourishing food for your masculine soul.”

― David Deida - The Way of the Superior Man Quotes

What do critics say?

Here's what one of the prominent reviewers had to say about the book: “David Deida’s work reveals a depth of loving the human condition and understanding its immanent spirituality I’ve seldom seen, even in a glimmer. It’s hard for me to find words with which to express my appreciation and admiration for this unique gift.” — Jenny Wade, PhD, author of Changes of Mind

* The summary points above have been concluded from the book and other public sources. The editor of this summary review made every effort to maintain information accuracy, including any published quotes, chapters, or takeaways

Reading is Smart. Applying is Smarter:  Apply

Chief Editor

Tal Gur is an author, founder, and impact-driven entrepreneur at heart. After trading his daily grind for a life of his own daring design, he spent a decade pursuing 100 major life goals around the globe. His journey and most recent book, The Art of Fully Living, has led him to found Elevate Society.

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