35 Quotes by Art Buchwald

Art Buchwald was an American humorist and journalist who lived from 1925 to 2007. He was known for his witty and satirical writing, and he won a Pulitzer Prize in 1982 for his commentary on national issues. Buchwald wrote for newspapers such as The Washington Post and The New York Times, and his columns were syndicated in newspapers around the world. He was also a frequent guest on television talk shows and was known for his quick wit and irreverent sense of humor. Buchwald's legacy continues to inspire humorists and journalists around the world. (Bio)

Art Buchwald Quotes


The best things in life aren't things. (Meaning)

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People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got. (Meaning)

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

The things that matter most are not things.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.

I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.

I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.

If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.

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People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man does not drive, there is something wrong with him.

The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.

When it came to writing about wine, I did what almost everybody does - faked it

Television has a real problem. They have no page two. Consequently every big story gets the same play and comes across to the viewer as a really big, scary one.

Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.

I can now say without hesitation the Marine Corps was the best foster home I ever had.

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.

Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, "I am not a crook." Jimmy Carter says, "I have lusted after women in my heart." President Reagan says, "I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope."

... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.

The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.

I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.

People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even

Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week

I earned my stripes as a Marine, and the Corps gets full credit for straightening me out. At 17, I was young, I was unhappy and most of all, I was undisciplined. The Marine Corps was the right service in the right place at the right time.

I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.

The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.

― Art Buchwald Quotes

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