126 Quotes by Bette Midler

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?

If only I'd known my differentness would be an asset, then my earlier life would have been much easier.

I have my standards. They're low, but I have them.

Group conformity scares the pants off me because it's so often a prelude to cruelty towards anyone who doesn't want to - or can't - join the Big Parade.

After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.

Cherish forever what makes you unique, 'cuz you're really a yawn if it goes.

If you can accept your differentness and learn to love it and encourage it, then you can be someone wonderful.

Cats always seem so very wise, when staring with their half-closed eyes. Can they be thinking, I'll be nice, and maybe she will feed me twice?

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People are not the best because they work hard. They work hard because they are the best. (Meaning)

My whole life had been spent waiting for an epiphany, a manifestation of God's presence, the kind of transcendent, magical experience that lets you see your place in the big picture. And that is what I had with my first [compost] heap.

Make sure your life is a rare entertainment! It doesn't take anything drastic. You needn't be gorgeous or wealthy or smart, just very enthusiastic!

I want it all - and I would like it delivered.

Sometimes my brain goes on CD shuffle. You know, you put a bunch of CD's on and hit play and random things come out.

I feel like a million tonight - but one at a time.

Self-esteem is something you have to earn! The only way to achieve self-esteem is to work hard. People have an obligation to live up to their potential.

Melbourne is the kind of town that really makes you consider the question 'Is there life after death?

Life is not fair. And you have to choose your battles, because there are some that you cannot win. If you're passionate about something, then you should pick up your flag and run with it.

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A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I've chosen not to be.

I'm the last of the truly tacky women. I do trash with flash and sleaze with ease.

Most of us are torn. We have at least two people at war in our body. One person wants to retire and grow fabulous tomatoes, and the other wants to stand up on a pedestal and be worshipped and get bigger and bigger and bigger until she explodes.

Men's brains are smaller than those of women so they can fit into their penises.

Some say love it is a river that drowns the tender reeds. Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your heart to bleed. Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need. I say love, it is a flower and you, its only seed.

Find your Light; They can't love you if they can't see you

The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London.

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.

Just remember, during the winter, far beneath the bitter snow, that there's a seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes a rose.

A person's life is a journey, a road. Sometimes you go off the road and sometimes you stay on all the way through. But you are the only one on that road. It's your road.

I'm not interested in perfection. The universe is perfect, and there are some works of art that we see as perfect, but human beings aren't perfect.

You have to think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, but you have to know that you're not.

If you pick up a ukulele, it will make you unbelievably happy.

The people who are out to destroy the environment think they're going to get away with it. Are they breathing different air than we're breathing? Are they eating different food? I mean, where do they think they're going to go? What do they think is going to be better than what they have destroyed? I just don't get it.

It's the Point of Your View that Decides What You See - / One Man's Flop Is Another Man's Hit. / From Manners to Movies, the Picture Keeps Changing / Depending Upon Where You Sit.

Only two groups of people intimidate me absolutely: salespeople and the French.

It's the one who won't be taken that cannot seem to give, and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.

I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

Self-esteem is something you have to earn!

I made a pact with myself a long time ago: Never watch anything stupider than you. It's helped me a lot.

Total contentment is only for cows.

Romance is an illusion. Well, romance is not a complete illusion, but it's ephemeral. It does not last.

Even if the whole human race dies off because we keep fighting and killing each other and being heartless, the planet will take care of itself. Eventually, after millions of years, it will cleanse itself, and new life forms, maybe better ones, will come. Meanwhile, we'll have gotten exactly what we deserved: annihilation.

Enough about me. What do you think about me?

The only thing Madonna will ever do like a virgin is give birth in a stable.

If somebody makes me laugh, I’m his slave for life.

I'd make a wonderful Lady Macbeth. I'll wear a pair of platform shoes or something.

I'm working my way toward divinity.

Thank God for the gays. I don't know what would have happened but I know what did happen. Good for them and good for me.

I celebrate everyone's religious holidays. if it's good enough for the righteous, it's good enough for the self-righteous, I always say.

Rap is poetry set to music. But to me it's like a jackhammer.

If you're passionate about something, then you should pick up your flag and run with it.

The outside world doesn't have a lot to offer. You have to make your own heaven in your own home.

When you reach a certain age, you have fulfilled your childhood dream and whatever your first or second adulthood led you to do. Then you're in your third adulthood, the one that leads to the grave, and you ask yourself, "What will I do between now and then?" Instead of thinking in terms of glamour, you start thinking in terms of reform - your contribution to the world.

Writing a book is not as tough as it is to haul thirty-five people around the country and sweat like a horse five nights a week.

I bear no grudges. I have a mind that retains nothing.

Most people don't deserve to be spoken of in the same breath as Chaplin or Lucille Ball.

All these children [who did not have music and art classes at school] go out into the world without knowing that there is anything other than what they have. Of course, children do look at TV, but what does it give them?

For days on end, I would hardly speak, and when I did only the vilest sort of gibberish would spout forth. I became morose and fat. Unapproachable, except when eating - and then only by waiters.

I've always said we got married because there was nothing on TV.

Do I understand this right? I'm being marked down?

Me, I'm just a hack. I'm just a schlep-per. I just do what I can do.

When it's time to shuffle off this mortal coil, you leave your ashes to be composted.

Without passion, the powers-that-be can run roughshod over you.

In a marriage, you struggle and struggle and struggle, and then you realize that you have to ride the horse in the direction it's going. You stop trying to pull the reins in another direction.

The essence of humor has not changed. It's all about surprise, facilitating follows. But the context of humor has changed. Previously, the jokes were more related to current issues, political. Today people make about each other either funny or about people like Kim Kardashian. It's brutal. Everything is so much vielschmutziger.

My parents taught me: Do not rely on a man. Not rely on it that you get married and it pays for you. That's what I figured. I have always paid my own bills.

I can get plenty of men, keeping them is the hard part.

I would much rather watch myself than listen to myself. The moving is second nature, but the listening... that's the art.

God is watching us, from a Distance.

You can't just have a clean public space - you also have to have people willing to use it, and something that will draw them in.

Through books and photographs, I saw a world that was not my own - and I realized that there was another world. That's why I'm concerned about education, because it helps our children see other worlds.

Life is like cooking your masterpiece recipe. You have to get the right ingredients,have the right mixture and the right cooking time to reveal the PERFECT and DELICIOUS TASTE of your craft.

When my daughter was younger we showed her all the great musicals. And the great dramas and great comedies, and the one that she took to the most was Some Like It Hot.

That's our mission: to clean and green New York City - one block at a time.

I'm so glad to be back in New York. Los Angeles can be so cold, so cruel after you've been-what's the word?-oh yes: 'fired.'

If you're frightened, you're out of luck.

Music is probably the only place I get energy from. Music and maybe watching a really tremendous performer, watching a terrific performer like Jagger or watching a great movie.

Sold my soul. Bought these devil chains.

I fear for the future of the planet. But in a funny way, I'm even sanguine about that.

My parents have not insisted that we go to college, but she wanted us to learn. Teacher, librarian, secretary, nurse. All my siblings were employed. But I wanted to be the boss, an independent contractor.

It's important that you all agree on what the parameters are and what you can accomplish - and not get pissed off or beat yourself up for what you can't accomplish.

Humor disarms people. They don't feel threatened.

Sometimes you have to make your own opportunities, and that's why I'm on TV. I wasn't going to sit around anymore, waiting for the damn phone to ring. I had to create my own place - I've always done that.

You have to be alert. When my daughter, Sophie, came out of the womb, she was instantly alert, as if she had been here before. And she was a little disappointed that she was here again.

before one actually visits them, everyone tends to think of their favorite countries as one grand Disneyland filled with national monuments and historical treasures conveniently laid out for easy viewing, when what they really are filled with, of course, is people going to work, laundromats and places to buy rat poison.

We're all divine, but I was the only one who had the nerve to call myself that.

If someone were to say seriously, "I'm divine," she'd have to be locked up. There are lots of people in mental institutions going around saying "I'm God." But because I'm funny about it, they haven't locked me up yet. And I don't give myself airs, either.

I'm mad about God! That's why I'm divine.

You can feel compassion for others without feeling victimized yourself.

I'm confident that I'm as intelligent as many people, but I know that I'm not as intelligent as some. So in the presence of hyperintelligent people, I'm a shrinking violet because I don't want to look like a fool. I know a little about a lot and a lot about a little.

I've always been lucky enough to have great audiences. It has been quite a life.

I've forbidden my daughter to have grandchildren, I'm too young.

Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are doing pretty well at getting noticed - a lot of people are doing pretty well at it. But you wonder whether they'll last, because many of them don't have the ability to get an audience to love them. You say, "That's a fabulous body" or "I like that song"; you don't say, "I love them because I know them." You can't know them.

As you age, feelings do diminish.

Everyone goes through their winters and springs, and their summers and autumns.

The old forms of entertainment are not extinct. Live performances are the pinnacle. If you can something that people want to see live, then you have a great career.

The Internet has changed everything. People will be discovered online. People buy music online. It's a completely different way to get entertainment.

Marriage is such hard work. And it's full of rage and real human drama.

Image is everything, and the voice or the idea or the song is hardly anything at all. Half the time the person isn't even doing the singing. I'm a bit cynical about this [music] business.

For some people, a park is the only place in their entire world where they can see something beautiful.

When the movies first started, audiences were dumbstruck to see actresses walking around in evening gowns. They'd never seen anything like that. They wanted to be like those actors and actresses, so the movies informed their behavior. A lot of people started drinking martinis and smoking cigarettes because they felt it was cool.

Through books and photographs, I saw a world that was not my own - and I realized that there was another world.

Sometimes, when I wake up, my soul is in another city!

That's why I'm concerned about education, because it helps our children see other worlds. Education is my next big thing. When music and art were taken out of the schools, I went berserk!

Hawaii doesn't smell like sex to me. It's the only place in the world that smells like that, but it's not sex, it's - freedom.

Just because people don't meet you doesn't mean they're not out there breaking their asses trying to get around.

I've always said that people have unrealistic expectations.

Most people are walking around the city like corpses; they aren't alive enough to notice the trash. They come from other places and they see it as a big garbage dump. Do you want to live and work in a garbage dump? I don't. That's partly because I grew up in the most pristine environment possible - Hawaii, where it is sacrilege to leave your garbage on the ground.

It's a different world now: Stars come and go quickly, and there are so many of them. I read a statistic that all the record companies combined used to put out around 3,000 albums in a year. Now they put out something like 30,000!

That's the Oscars for ya - you remember who was nominated, but you don't remember who won!

There's the media-driven universe, in which the public perceives you in a superficial way. Then there's the universe that you actually inhabit, where you have to get up even if you didn't sleep so well, and you feel like crap and your face is swollen.

It is true that in this culture, they throw you out when you get older. I see it all the time, especially in my business. At my age, you're playing somebody's mother - and there aren't even a lot of those roles!

My daughter very independent. But if she's upset about something, she will absolutely let me know. She's great - a real tough cookie.

My mother would only let us go to the musicals.

We are all part of the ecosystem.

Unfortunately, every time there's a budget crunch in New York, the Parks Department is usually the first to be cut. So they need all the help they can get.

There are bugs and there are the pigeons and other predators, but you shouldn't be afraid of them, because this is how nature works.

Culturally, it's very hard to change people's attitudes about public space.

If I don't feel right about what I'm in, I don't feel right about anything.

There's a kind of emotional exploration you plumb with a friend that you don't really do with your family.

I love nature, in spite of what it did to me.

When you have a steady job you're more inspired to broaden yourself.

The inventor of the modern foundation garment that we women wear today was a German scientist and opera lover by the name of Otto Titsling.

Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed.

A lot of people have no access to beauty. When I was growing up, my mother had only a few pretty things to look at.