31 Quotes by Bob Monkhouse
Bob Monkhouse, a British comedian, actor, and presenter, was known for his quick wit, charm, and impeccable comedic timing. With a career that spanned over five decades, Monkhouse became a beloved figure in the world of comedy, renowned for his sharp one-liners and ability to connect with audiences. His wit and wordplay made him a master of comedy, and he excelled in various mediums, including stand-up, television, and game show hosting.
Monkhouse's talent extended beyond comedy, as he was also a skilled writer and contributed to numerous shows and scripts throughout his career. Despite his success, Monkhouse remained humble and dedicated to his craft, constantly honing his skills and embracing new comedic challenges. His impact on the comedy industry in the United Kingdom and beyond is immeasurable, and his legacy as a consummate entertainer and a true comedy legend continues to inspire generations of comedians.
Bob Monkhouse Quotes
Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional. (Meaning)
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.
I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.
What do gardeners do when they retire?
Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.
Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.
I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!
I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.
I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.
My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'
Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.
You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"
I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
― Bob Monkhouse Quotes
Chief Editor
Tal Gur is an author, founder, and impact-driven entrepreneur at heart. After trading his daily grind for a life of his own daring design, he spent a decade pursuing 100 major life goals around the globe. His journey and most recent book, The Art of Fully Living, has led him to found Elevate Society.
