88 Quotes by Bob Saget

Bob Saget, an American actor, comedian, and television host, has left a lasting impression on the entertainment industry with his versatility and wit. Known for his role as Danny Tanner in the hit sitcom "Full House," Saget showcased his comedic talent and charm, portraying a loving father figure with a penchant for cleanliness and dad jokes. However, Saget's comedy extended beyond the family-friendly image, as he also embraced a more adult-oriented and irreverent style in his stand-up performances.

His ability to switch between wholesome and edgy comedy allowed him to connect with audiences of all ages and solidified his reputation as a versatile entertainer. Saget's career spans across various mediums, including television, film, and live performances, where he continues to showcase his comedic prowess. His unique blend of warmth, humor, and occasional raunchiness has made him a beloved figure in the comedy world, leaving an indelible mark on popular culture.

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Bob Saget Quotes


Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. (Meaning)

Full House was a show that was done for ten-year-olds. The critics hated it. They said terrible, terrible things about it. But it should have been reviewed by ten-year-olds. That's who it was made for. They loved it. And if they loved it, great. Why the hell does a fifty-year-old guy working at a big newspaper have to tell me I'm a piece of crap?

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously - accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you're basically working in front of them during what could've been specifically 'quality time.'

The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.

At the end of the day it's the end of the day.

My mom just told me it's impossible to know what's going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.

If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' how do you explain zombies?

My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, You need to meet other people.

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It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.

I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you'd want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?

Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will a family do out of desperation.

My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me a Brazilian wax.

It's 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It's enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren't there that are alive.

No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.

It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.

What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.

There was this whole middle time that only Chris Rock came out of, you know, 10 years ago it was Chris and a few other people, but that's about it. Chris is in a class of his own; I don't see another comedian who I put in high regard as him.

I'm fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.

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What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.

Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, 'you don't mention that part here.' But that's what's interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.

Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.

What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone's ringing a lot more and I've got nine lines so when it doesn't ring, it's very frustrating.

If you're a host of a video show and you're on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, 'Well, that's what that person does.' That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.

They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?

You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.

One of the first things I said when I signed on for the show was No hugs! Full House was all based on hugs.

In the creative sense, I'm looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.

Nobody can tell me what I can or can't do, except they can.

If you don't wake up every day happy, change something.

Most people argue over who's right, not about what the truth is.

Valuable people are undervalued.

Kindness isn't just a virtue, its a necessity.

When you have a good time there is no time.

It's okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.

Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.

My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.

Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.

All I've ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.

It's a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is - reading the news or speaking to people.

It's so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

Beautiful clear day in Beverly Hills. The sweet smell of Botox is in the air.

Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.

Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.

Some dead people said smart stuff.

A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.

My favorite Dylan song? I think it's 'Just Like a Woman.' It always makes me cry.

Words matter. Especially if you're kicking someone's ass in words with friends.

The secret to raising children is to love them... And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought.

Apparently my street has a leaf blower gang who tag team all day, so the sounds of the leaf blower are forever blowing from dawn to dusk.

Aristotle said, Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Isn't that a three-way?

The greatness of a man is only measured by his urologist.

If I ever die, I want it to be cause I got hit by a car saving a kid.

It think acceptance levels sort of swings back and forth. Like in the 60's there was a lot more freedom with sex that doesn't exist today. Language has gotten pushed a bit farther and violence is way far out.

Nothing worse than a piece of dried out fish.

And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You'd be nervous too if you knew that one day you'd get your head cut off and... filled with stuffing.

Around comics, I've always been known for, oh, that's not dirty, this is dirty.

My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.

The favorite method of vice is to diss all responsibility be work or social, go off by myself, and enjoy a good steak and a great glass of wine. Oh yeah, and my kids are there too.

Found a bunch of old shower caps in my house. Was gonna throw them out but realized they make excellent porta potties for long road trips.

My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?

My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.

Ladies, apologies, but isn't 'vintage' just used stuff?

As time goes on, the more I value doctors and plumbers. Doctors a little more. I can fix my own toilet but I still can't operate on myself.

When you're famous, you're always famous. It doesn't go away.

You can talk about things indirectly, but if you want to talk how people really talk, you have to talk R-rated. I mean I've got three incredibly intelligent daughters, but when you get mad, you get mad and you talk like people talk. When a normal 17-year-old girl storms out of the house or 15-year-old boy is mad at his mom or dad, they're not talking the way people talk on TV. Unless it's cable.

Just went to the gym and worked on every body part. Four people slapped me.

My confidence wavers between being genuine and being insecure.

If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?

Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.

Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that?

My wife is a saint. She's Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won't eat.

A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.

I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don't want to make fun of people.

People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.

25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.

The nature of comedy is 'just do it.' But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.

Oil is sixty dollars a barrel. There are terrorists everywhere. We have a catastrophe in our world every ten minutes. I don't know how anybody's getting through anything. Right now, people just need to be entertained.

― Bob Saget Quotes

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