100 Quotes by Charlie Sheen

We're going to shoot one Polaroid per show. I'm going to sign this before it even develops because I know that once it develops with my signature on it, it's worth a fortune. I'll make this a work of magic warlock art.

Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.

I've got magic. I've got poetry at my fingertips.

People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.

The best way to not get your heart broken, is pretending you don't have one.

It's quite fitting that Slash is getting a star on the very street Axl Rose will one day be sleeping on.

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math.

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There was this one time in Vegas when I took four Victoria's Secret models and did one gram off each of their bodies within, like, 45 minutes. I declared myself King of Vegas and decided to remodel my hotel room with my bare hands to resemble King Louis XIV's bedroom at Versailles. Knocked down two entire walls, and later had four knuckle surgeries. Still wasn't as high as Rob Ford.

Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber.

What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.

Slash sat me down at his house and said, You've got to clean up your act. You know you've gone too far when Slash is saying, Look, you've got to get into rehab.

The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread. This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it.

The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning.

You can't criticize Bob Dylan's singing. You have to respect Billy Joel as a brilliant poet. You can't tell me there's a better rock band ever than Led Zeppelin. And if you speak during the Eagles' "Last Resort," we're done. I'm just asking for seven minutes. This stuff really matters, you know.

I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.

I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.

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People ask all the time, "What are you thinking?" It's my least favorite question in the world. The last bastion of solace is my mind. It's an invasion.

I think my passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes. And I don't think people are ready for the message that I'm delivering, and delivering with a sense of violent love.

I think I have a duty as a recovering guy to help, to make my knowledge of what I went through accessible.

There was a reason my first substantial role after rehab was to play a maniac whose personal story ended badly. I knew what it was like to go those dark places. I played a guy who died as a result of his abuse.

I so desperately wanted to be Mr. Somebody. Instead, I was the little brother, included to a point.

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen.

I don't believe in rock bottom. Rock bottom is like a fishing term.

You either love or you hate. You live in the middle, you get nothing.

You can put people's feet to the fire a bit just by reminding them that we're constantly creating our own history.

I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself.

Let's hook up and just bring fiery death.

What is a normal childhood? We weren't rich, we were pretty middle-class. My dad survived from job to job; with him taking care of so many relatives, he couldn't save any money.

Sure, I did a lot of things in excess. But if you look at the core, the foundation of what I pursued, what red-blooded young American male in my position wouldn't?

Can't is the cancer of happening.

I'm not wearing a golden sombrero.

I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs.

You make a choice to win and you win...

Women are not to be hit. They're to be hugged and caressed.

Uncertainty is a sign of humility, and humility is just the ability or the willingness to learn.

You can't process me with a normal brain.

Fame is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively know how to handle it. But there's no manual, no training course.

Usually in a battle sequence when a bomb is going off, you forget you're acting.

I was born dead. Yeah, the umbilical cord was like, floppy baby, the whole thing. Yeah, it was bad.

I've spent, I think, close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold.

I've fallen for you like a blind roofer.

I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.

The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.

I'm tired of pretending I'm not special.

It's perfect. It's awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary. People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.

I'm a peaceful man with bad intentions.

The only thing I'm addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent.

Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever.

Get your egos off the battlefield.

Look what I’m dealing with, man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls.

You can't cure your own cancer, obviously, especially if it's late stage.

Steroids build your muscles, but they don't build your tendons or ligaments.

Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them.

Defeat is not an option. Period. The End.

Let's talk about something exciting. Me.

I usually have a song in my head. I'm thinking music, I'm thinking lyrics. Music helps me get to those moments. The moments between the moments.

I’m done with the winning cause I’ve already won.

Dad almost died of a heart attack in the middle of making Apocalypse Now, the biggest movie of his life. It doesn't make you want to jump into that business.

I am grandiose because I live a grandiose life; what’s wrong with that?

If you love with violence and you hate with violence there is nothing that can be questioned.

If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.

Dying is for fools. I'm proud of what I created. I exposed people to magic. I exposed people to things they would never see in their normal lives.

I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.

I dare anyone to spend 10 years in the laugh-track that is Chuck Lorre's hive of oppression and not suffer some form of an emotional tsunami.

I kind of like that romantic image of being in a rocker with my family gathered around, all these generations in one room, listening intently to my stories.

Touch my children and I will eat your hands off your freakin arms.

I'm 0 for 3 with marriage - the scoreboard doesn't lie, never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the heart. To sully or contaminate or radically disrespect this union with a shameful contract is something that I will leave to the amateurs and the Bible grippers.

You can't not be a little different from others and be successful for three decades.

You have this great big fantasy life, and it looks like a non-stop 24/7 party. But what do you do when you get to the end of the Internet and there's nothing left to buy? There's just a picture of Wayne Newton flipping you off.

I'm bi-winning. I win here, I win there.

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies.

I'm dealing with fools and trolls and soft targets. It's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee. I don't have time for these clowns.

Fear is never a good enough reason to do nothing

The last time I took drugs, I probably took more than anybody could survive.

Athletes become our heroes, because they're superhuman. They do things nobody else can do. They're better than 6 billion other people.

I was actually disappointed because I thought the mistakes I made is that people misinterpret my passion for anger.

Shut your evil mucus-hole you truth terrorist. You LOSE every time a mirror implodes from your barbed and gristle image.

I've got volumes on how not to behave. I've got more information now than a guy should have at my age.

Charlie Sheen has the potential to cause your soul to weep and forfeit

I know that sounds arrogant, but you can't not be special and have a 30-year career.

We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be?

People say you have to work on your resentments. Yeah, no, I'm gonna hang onto them and they're gonna fuel my attack.

As kids we're not taught how to deal with success; we're taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?

I'm tired of ignoring that I march to a different beat.

By the way, two wars are in an endless state of sorrow. Egypt about burned to the ground and all you people care about is my bullshit... Pathetic. Shame, shame shame

But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know.

You should have read the directions before you showed up to the party.

I think the power of the mind is amazing, and we've barely scratched the surface of what it can do.

There have to be more important things going on in the world than my past.

Here's the good news. If I realize that I'm insane, then I'm okay with it. I'm not dangerous insane.

The nights I don't sleep it's because there's a higher calling telling me to stand guard.

I'm on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front.

People can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain.

Rock bottom; that's a fishing term.

I try to be known more for my work than for anything else.

It's not about the big deal you struck that day, it's not about the new car, it's not about the obvious stuff. It's about that little introspective moment you had in the middle of all that. Those are moments between the moments, and that's where life is.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view.

Every plan I have is the best plan in the room.

It's definitely safer to be single, especially with this cottage industry that's devoted to extorting celebrities.

There's a lot of stuff I want to do, just things that I want to explore that don't involve show business. I'm going to become a television critic. Can you imagine? But I would even consider becoming a baseball scout. Traveling around the heartland looking for the next world-beating phenom.

The problem with prostitutes is, what if you actually like somebody you meet in that situation? Where do you go from there? What do you do?

I refuse to grow up. I won't become the adult guy.

You never have to look over your shoulder when you tell the truth. You never have to remember the details, because they are what they are. And you don't have to make sure your story matches everyone else's.

It’s been a tsunami of media and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard.

I've got mad energy for days. That's what people can't get their minds around. They say, 'Oh, he's going to crash.' They try to apply all these common terms to a guy who is not common. I don't fit into their little box.

Those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again. To teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

A lot of people think Major League’s called Wild Thing. As they should.

You have the right to kill me, but you don't have the right to judge me. That's life. There's nobility in that. There's focus. It's genuine. It's crystal and it's pure and it's available to everybody, so just shut your traps and put down your McDonalds, your vaccines, your Us Weekly, your TMZ and the rest of it.

Duh! So, we're asking you now, what are some of your favorite lines that this warlock brain produced?

What you come to discover is, it isn't how you get there, it's that you get there. If that's what it took to get me where I'm at today, so be it.

You’ve read about the goddesses, come on. They’re an international sensation. These are my girlfriends. These are the women that I love that have completed the three parts of my heart.

If you love with violence and you hate with violence, there's nothing that can be questioned. People say, 'Oh, you'd better work through your resentments.' Yeah, no. I'm gonna hang on to them, and they're gonna fuel my attack. And they're going to fuel the battle cry of my deadly and dangerous and secret and silent soldiers. Because they're all around you. Sorry, you thought you were just messing with one dude. Winning.

Early on, I used to think it was really cool and macho to jump out of the car and tackle the bad guy. But then when you see the stunts in the movie, you realize it could've been a lady in a poncho.

I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.

When friends asked me, Can we help? I'd say, Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock. I used that line from Star Wars.

I'm an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordnance to the ground.

Guys want to be respected and acknowledged. They want to feel what they contributed matters.

I'll hear a song I love and suddenly I'm isolated from everything around me just for a nanosecond. That's a moment between a moment.

If someone follows you, go to a different room. If they keep following you, get in your car. If they follow you in your car, drive to a police station. There are ways to not engage.

I'm kind of old-fashioned in a lot of ways. I prefer mano a mano. Even if you have two girls in the house, it's not like we're together all the time. But I need variety.

You can have rules at home that are different from the rest of the world's as long as you're not hurting anyone.

Shooting a movie can be so tedious. You're trying to get 20 different angles on the same swing. You never get into a rhythm. But I took it very seriously.

Just tell the truth and you're home free. If there are amends to be made, you make them. You own it and move on.

Sometimes the right choice seems great at the moment, but then suddenly it's as if somebody detonated a suicide bomb.

I'm not in any way religious. I don't go to church, but I consider myself spiritual.

I've always been a little skittish about death. On certain days I'm okay with it. On other days it's like, "Really? I have to? No, man, not me."

They sell pot named after me in the dispensaries. And I'm not even a pot guy. I was so honored.

Once you start altering your body's blueprint, things start falling apart. Some players take steroids, and two years later, after they've broken records, suddenly they have back problems, shoulder problems, arm problems. They're out of the game for good.