Instead of saying “It’s frustrating”, say “I make myself frustrated because of it”. Take ownership of your feelings.
Imagine you’re sitting in traffic, late for an important meeting. The cars ahead of you are barely moving, and you feel your frustration boiling up. It’s easy, almost natural, to blame the traffic for your sour mood, isn’t it? But let’s shift that perspective for a moment. What if, instead of saying “This traffic is frustrating,” you say, “I make myself frustrated because of this traffic”? It might sound like a small change, but it’s a powerful one.
This shift is all about taking ownership of your feelings. It’s acknowledging that while we can’t always control the world around us—like the snail-paced traffic—we can control how we react to it. This isn’t about denying your feelings or pretending to be happy when you’re not. It’s about recognizing that your reactions are your own.
Consider a painter, working on a canvas. If the painting doesn’t go as planned, the artist doesn’t blame the canvas for the mishap. Instead, they understand that it’s their approach, their technique, or their choice of colors that needs adjustment. The canvas is just the circumstance; the art is all in how the painter decides to express themselves on it.
Taking ownership of your emotions is like realizing you’re the painter of your own life’s canvas. Things will happen—a spilled coffee, a rainy day when you’ve forgotten your umbrella, a harsh word from a friend. These are the canvases we’re given. But your feelings? They’re the strokes you choose, the colors you paint with. You can let the spilled coffee ruin your mood, or you can choose to clean it up and laugh about your clumsiness. You can curse the rain, or you can dance in it. You can harbor resentment over that harsh word, or you can choose to see it as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship through forgiveness and understanding.
Now, this isn’t to say that taking ownership of your feelings is easy. It’s a skill, something to be practiced daily, and there will be days when you forget and slip back into blaming the traffic, the weather, or the spilled coffee. But every day offers a new canvas, a fresh opportunity to choose how you paint your reactions.
So, here’s a thought to carry with you: the next time you find yourself frustrated, upset, or angry, take a moment. Picture yourself holding the paintbrush, standing before your canvas. Ask yourself, “Am I going to let the canvas dictate my painting, or am I going to create something beautiful, regardless of what’s in front of me?”
And now, for an actionable question to reflect on: What’s one situation where you’ve recently said “It’s frustrating”? How can you reframe it to take ownership of your feelings?
* If you’re seeking extra motivation and inspiration on your journey of personal growth, I recommend taking a look at my SMART growth goals page, This page offers thousands of goal ideas that can assist in the establishment of new aspirations and the attainment of greater heights in one’s life. In fact, it was instrumental in my creation of a list of 100 goals, which I pursued for a decade.
Chief Editor
Tal Gur is an impact-driven creator at heart. After trading his daily grind for a life of his own design, he spent a decade pursuing 100 life goals around the globe. Tal's journey and recent book, The Art of Fully Living, inspired him to found Elevate Society.
