What Shall I Do?: Summary Review

Have you ever felt trapped in a situation, questioning your worth and searching for a way out? In What Shall I Do?, Becky Erkkila bravely recounts her journey through domestic abuse, offering a beacon of hope to those facing similar challenges.

What is the Book About?

What Shall I Do? is a poignant memoir that delves into the complexities of domestic violence and the victim mentality. Becky Erkkila shares her personal experiences, shedding light on the emotional and psychological struggles that accompany abusive relationships. Through her narrative, she emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's situation and finding the strength to make life-changing decisions. The book serves as both a personal testament and a guide for those seeking clarity and empowerment in the face of adversity.

Beyond recounting her own story, Erkkila aims to provide readers with tools to assess their circumstances and take decisive action. She addresses the internal conflicts that victims often face, such as self-doubt and fear, and offers insights into overcoming these barriers. By posing the critical question, "What shall I do?", the book encourages readers to reflect deeply on their situations and take steps toward a safer and more fulfilling life.

Book Details

Print length: The paperback edition comprises 184 pages.

Language: English.

Publication date: January 18, 2023.

Genre: Memoir / Self-Help.

Book Author

Core Theme

At its heart, What Shall I Do? explores the profound impact of domestic abuse on an individual's sense of self and decision-making abilities. Erkkila delves into the internal battle between recognizing the need for change and the paralyzing fear that often accompanies it. She emphasizes the significance of self-awareness and the courage required to confront and alter one's circumstances. The book underscores the idea that, despite the external control exerted by abusers, victims possess an inherent power to reclaim their lives.

Furthermore, the memoir highlights the importance of reflection and self-inquiry. By consistently asking oneself, "What shall I do?", individuals are encouraged to evaluate their situations critically and consider actionable steps toward improvement. Erkkila's narrative serves as a reminder that, while the journey may be fraught with challenges, the pursuit of safety, self-worth, and happiness is both valid and attainable.

Main Lessons

A few impactful summary lessons from What Shall I Do?:

1. Healing Begins with Telling the Truth

The book lays bare the painful truth that healing from trauma—especially from domestic violence and sexual abuse—cannot begin until the truth is courageously spoken. Becky, the author, doesn’t just recount her past; she reclaims it with honesty and emotional clarity. Readers are drawn into her world not as passive observers but as witnesses to an act of spiritual and emotional defiance. By telling her story openly, she creates a space where others can find their voice too, and the silence that once held power begins to unravel. Truth-telling becomes the spark that sets the whole process of liberation in motion.

2. Abuse Can Happen to Anyone

One of the most eye-opening insights from this book is the painful realization that abuse doesn't discriminate. It can happen to intelligent, kind, capable people—and often does. Becky’s story strips away the stereotypes and naive assumptions we often carry. She gently but powerfully reveals how someone can be trapped in an abusive situation despite being loving, nurturing, and deeply aware. It's not about weakness or blindness; it's about manipulation, fear, and often a lack of safe alternatives. This recognition widens our compassion and urges us to stop judging victims by what we think abuse “should” look like.

3. Transformation Starts with a Single Brave Step

The journey from victimhood to empowerment doesn't require giant leaps at first—it begins with one small, defiant step. Whether it's seeking help, admitting the pain, or deciding not to accept abuse any longer, Becky emphasizes how that single act of courage can become the foundation of a rebuilt life. Every page testifies to the power of forward motion, however fragile it may feel at first. And with each brave decision, strength compounds. This lesson reminds readers that while transformation is a mountain, the first stone is laid with a choice made in the quiet corners of the heart.

4. Vulnerability Is a Form of Strength

Rather than shielding her wounds, Becky opens them up for others to see—and in doing so, redefines strength. Vulnerability here is not a sign of brokenness but of immense bravery. Sharing her experiences doesn’t diminish her dignity; it amplifies it. In the most powerful of paradoxes, her openness becomes a fortress—not a wall, but a sanctuary for others who have suffered in silence. This lesson encourages us to drop the pretense of perfection and find power in being raw, real, and radically honest.

5. Reflection Is Essential for Rebuilding

The questions at the end of each chapter offer more than just food for thought—they’re tools for transformation. Becky’s reflective prompts guide readers through the messy terrain of their own experiences, helping them untangle past decisions, recognize harmful patterns, and identify what truly matters. Self-inquiry becomes the compass in a journey that’s deeply personal. It’s not just about understanding what happened to you, but how you interpret it, what it taught you, and where you go from here. Healing, she shows, isn’t passive; it’s an intentional act of self-construction.

6. Words Can Either Harm or Heal

A recurring insight in the book is the profound power of language—especially the internal kind. When we let others define us through demeaning words or toxic labels, we hand over pieces of our identity. Becky warns us that accepting these labels is like handing someone else the pen to write your life story. But she also shows that the reverse is true: reclaiming our narrative and speaking kind, truthful words to ourselves can be transformative. This lesson is an invitation to guard our internal dialogue as fiercely as we would protect a child.

7. Perspective Is the Key to Inner Freedom

Becky’s experience is a masterclass in the art of shifting perspective. Even in the depths of betrayal and heartbreak, she finds space to reframe her story—not to excuse the abuse, but to extract meaning from the ashes. Her insights teach us that while we cannot always change our external circumstances, we can reshape the lens through which we view them. In that lens lies the difference between staying stuck in despair or stepping into empowerment. Changing perspective, she reveals, is not about ignoring pain but about reclaiming your power to interpret it.

8. Love and Compassion Must Begin Within

Despite enduring unimaginable cruelty, Becky’s message circles back to love—specifically, self-love and compassion. Her strength isn’t born from anger or revenge, but from a wellspring of love that she fights to protect and nurture. By encouraging others to love themselves through their mess, their brokenness, and their healing, she delivers one of the book’s most beautiful and redemptive truths: you are worthy of love, especially your own. The takeaway here is that self-compassion isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity for survival and growth.

9. Resources and Support Are Lifesaving

Embedded in the emotional narrative is a practical message—people going through abuse need access to real, tangible resources. Hope is powerful, but it’s not enough on its own. Becky’s story becomes a lifeline not just emotionally but logistically, by offering a model of what it looks like to seek help, find allies, and navigate the overwhelming complexity of escaping abuse. The takeaway is clear: if society wants to help survivors, we must provide them with tools, support systems, and safe spaces to land.

10. Telling Your Story Can Save Lives

Perhaps the most resonant message in Becky’s book is that your story matters. By telling her own, she gives countless others permission to do the same. This isn’t just about personal healing—it’s about collective liberation. When stories like Becky’s are shared, they ripple outward, reaching those who are still in the shadows and whispering, “You are not alone.” The bravery to tell your truth can become someone else’s turning point, their moment of awakening, their decision to live. And that is the power of lived experience turned into light.

Key Takeaways

Key summary takeaways from the book:

• Recognizing one's situation is the first step toward change.
• Self-reflection and asking the right questions can lead to clarity and action.
• Empowerment comes from within, even in the face of external control.
• Support systems and resources are vital in the journey toward healing.
• Every individual has the right to seek safety, happiness, and self-worth.

Book Strengths

What Shall I Do? stands out for its raw authenticity and heartfelt narrative. Erkkila's willingness to share her personal experiences provides readers with a genuine insight into the complexities of abusive relationships. The inclusion of reflection questions at the end of each chapter encourages readers to engage actively with the content, fostering personal growth and introspection.

Who This Book Is For

This book is ideal for individuals who are currently experiencing or have experienced domestic abuse, as well as those seeking to understand and support loved ones in such situations. It's also a valuable resource for professionals working in counseling, social work, or related fields, offering firsthand perspectives that can inform and enhance their practice.

Why Should You Read This Book?

Reading What Shall I Do? offers a profound exploration of the emotional and psychological facets of domestic abuse. Erkkila's candid storytelling and practical insights provide readers with both understanding and actionable guidance. Whether you're seeking personal healing, aiming to support someone else, or looking to deepen your comprehension of this critical issue, this book serves as a compassionate and enlightening companion.

Concluding Thoughts

What Shall I Do? is more than just a memoir; it's a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of self-reflection. Becky Erkkila's journey from victim to survivor serves as an inspiring blueprint for others navigating similar paths. Her emphasis on the pivotal question, "What shall I do?", resonates as a universal call to action for anyone feeling trapped or powerless.

By sharing her story, Erkkila not only illuminates the dark corners of domestic abuse but also shines a light on the pathways to healing and empowerment. Her book stands as a beacon of hope, reminding readers that change is possible, and that they hold the keys to their own liberation.

"→  Get the book on Amazon or discover more via the author's website or social channels.

* The publisher and editor of this summary review made every effort to maintain information accuracy, including any published quotes, lessons, takeaways, or summary notes.

Chief Editor

Tal Gur is an author, founder, and impact-driven entrepreneur at heart. After trading his daily grind for a life of his own daring design, he spent a decade pursuing 100 major life goals around the globe. His journey and most recent book, The Art of Fully Living, has led him to found Elevate Society.